“No More Our. No More Us.”: Grief and Reconciliation in ‘The Marriage Bed’

Tommy Hays’s new book examines how a family overcomes grief and infidelity to reconcile their broken relationships.

by Jared Golden

Set during the day before and the week after the death of the family matriarch, Betsy, The Marriage Bed explores how each family member deals with her loss and comes to terms with each other. The novel begins the night before Betsy’s death with her and her husband, Asa, arguing after she reveals that she is having an affair. Asa leaves to sleep in the apartment over their garage to cool down and grade papers as a storm rolls in. The next morning, Betsy is found deceased in their bedroom after the hemlock next to their house collapses in the night and pierces her heart. Their two college-aged children, Sarah and Mitchell, return home to grieve their mother and support their father as they prepare for her memorial service. Sarah comes alone, and Mitchell brings his girlfriend Wendy.

Hays uses alternating perspectives and flashback chapters to provide context for how each character deals with Betsy’s death. The perspective chapters provide insight into each character’s thoughts and reactions to one another and their situations. Asa attempts to hide Betsy’s affair from his children as he questions his value to the family as both a husband and a father. He does not know who the affair partner is, only that she is someone his wife had known for years. In his chapters, Asa copes with his failings as a father and husband, viewing his broken relationship with Mitchell as his greatest regret. Sarah works through dealing with her father and brother while making the arrangements for the memorial service. Mitchell wrestles with his grief and his resentment toward his father due to a suicide attempt when he was younger. Hays also provides the perspective of Wendy, who attempts to support Mitchell and his family.

The flashback chapters explore the family’s history from Asa and Betsy’s first meeting to a trip they took together the spring before her death. They provide context for Asa’s relationships with his wife and children. They paint the picture of a mostly happy, supportive marriage, while also revealing the moments when cracks began to appear. From Betsy hiding her previous marriage and lesbian relationship to the couple’s differing responses to Mitchell’s suicide attempt, the family’s fractures are laid bare. 

Hays does an excellent job creating characters to both root for and cry for. As the story unfolds, they move forward; there are very few regressions. Asa recognizes his flaws as a parent and works to improve himself and his relationships. He addresses the miscommunications that have led to his children’s emotional distance. He also realizes that he is not at fault for either Betsy’s infidelity or her death. Sarah makes peace with the circumstances of her mother’s death and her parents’ relationship. Mitchell comes to see Asa as a loving, if reserved, father and overcomes his resentment. Wendy is an interesting addition to the family. Initially, Asa is opposed to her presence until he sees her calming effect on Mitchell. Not only is she an outsider, but she is also a conservative. Asa eventually comes to accept her as she joins Sarah in acting as a buffer between Mitchell and Asa. 

The novel is layered with emotion. Hays pours it in with subtlety. He does not say Asa is sad; he shows that she is. There are no cheesy one-liners, just emotion-tugging situations and conversations. In a conversation with Wendy, Mitchell suggests that the wrong parent died. Later, in a conversation with his colleague, Asa expresses the same thought: “I can’t help but think the wrong one of us died.” As the flashbacks and main story unfold, Hays uses language to pull the reader into each character and situation. An example of this can be seen after Mitchell introduces Wendy to Asa.

“Thank you for delivering our son to us,” he said. 

Correction. No more our. No more us. 

With Mitchell’s eyes on him, Asa knew he should say something more. 

“We’ve heard a lot about you.” 

No more We’ve. Loss it seemed was in the pronouns. 

— p. 108

Where the characters’ emotions go, so too does the reader. As the novel winds down, Hays does an excellent job resolving conflicts and emotions. The end of The Marriage Bed feels like the natural end to an episode in the characters’ lives, not an end to them. Asa and his children continue to live on, studying, teaching and loving each other.