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by John Jasper Owens I know God blesses Texas and don’t mess with Texas, but I’ve never been to Texas. Is it okay to mess with individual Texans? No. And don’t even think about messing with the region as a whole. Not all of my exes live in Texas, some of them might – I don’t keep track – but one of my exes lives in Rock Hill and is an accountant for a furniture company. I’ve eaten Tex-Mexes, seen boots on both sexes, but I’ve never been to Texas. I know Texans think so much of themselves they named a pro football team the Texans, as in screw you we don’t need a mascot because we’re Texans. Texas has Texas Rangers but I think Walker, Texas Ranger was made up. The band named Texas is from Glasgow, but there is no band named Scotland from San Antonio because Texans don’t reciprocate. I’ve flown over Texas a few times and the interesting thing about that, especially on a night flight, is that Texas glows. And the cities are arranged in such a way that the lights spell out T-E-X-A-S, just like on a map. State planners have arranged it so that

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